Dame Judi Dench: Grandparents in the Family Home Are An Asset ...

Dame Judi Dench has spoke out forcefully about old people?s homes. But would you agree that Grandparents in the family home are an asset?

It?s one of those questions we all face as we grow older ? where will we live? Undoubtedly, most of us want to stay independent and live in our own homes as long as we possibly can, enjoying family visits to each others homes.

But what if a partner dies and the other is left alone; what if you become ill or unable to cope; would you move in with the family or into a care home?

There?s a strong argument for each option and I?m sure you all have your own opinion. However Dame Judi Dench speaks out forcefully against homes for the elderly.

Dame Judi Dench: Grandparents in the Family Home Are An Asset.

Dame Judi Dench: Grandparents in the Family Home Are An Asset. - Image Courtesy of Wikipedia

Britain is not a country in which to grow old, as Dame Judi Dench pointed out forcefully this week with a withering description of the waking nightmare endured by those in old people?s homes: ?You just cannot put people into a circle of chairs and have them watching television all day ? it?s inhumane,? she said.

?Yet that?s how too many frightened and lonely widows and widowers end up, after they?re shunted off to live out the rest of their days amid indifferent strangers.

?It hasn?t always been this way inBritain. Until about 40 years ago most families looked after their own aged parents, something that is still the norm in most Roman Catholic, Asian and Eastern European countries. To our shame, however, we?ve persuaded ourselves in this country that the elderly should be someone else?s problem.

?This is not just down to the inexorable rise of the welfare state, with local authorities now assuming that it?s their responsibility to look after the elderly, for the fact is, many middle-class people spend a small fortune placing their?relatives in private care homes.

But Dame Judi Dench and her husband have tackled the issue of elderly parents a different way, maintaining that they are an asset in the home and a great benefit to the grandchildren.

Dame Judi and her husband shared their home for 12 years with both his parents and her widowed mother ? an arrangement which was successful partly because they had a house big enough for everyone to share the communal space but still have their own rooms.

Obviously she?s fortunate enough to have a house that will lend itself to accommodate them and probably an income large enough to solve the ensuing problems. But maybe she?s looking beyond those issues

Yes, I accept that there are practical difficulties for many in sharing their homes in that way, though why, considering the savings to the State, the?politicians don?t provide tax relief for those who look after a dependent?relative, I don?t know.

Such practical changes, however, are only part of the answer. We need to change our culture, too. Indeed, from the moment we start working, we should assume that, at some point in our lives, we can expect to share our homes with an elderly parent.

After my mother died a few years ago, one of the first things my husband did was tell my father just how very much he wanted him to come to live with us.

As my husband had grown up sharing a small house inEastern Europewith not just his parents and sister but two sets of grandparents, this seemed to him an entirely obvious thing to suggest.

Some of our acquaintances thought we were being foolish, and told us we?d come to regret sacrificing our privacy.

?Their attitude, I fear, merely reflected the casual contempt in which the elderly are generally held today.

So we?ve seen we can overcome the problems of having grandparents living with the family, but what does she consider to be the assets.

As my father is fortunate enough, at 83, to be still mentally and physically healthy, he decided he would move in ? but only on a part-time basis. He spends roughly a third of his time with us, and the rest in the home he shared with my mother for more than 50 years.

He benefits from this arrangement, of course, but actually, it?s us who have gained most, in ways I never quite anticipated. Simply by virtue of his life?experience, his very presence is calming. He sees far better than us the pettiness of the problems that arise in our immensely time-pressured lives.

A gentle reminder from Dad that life is short is often all it takes to stop a silly argument or pointless moan.

Our children, meanwhile, find their grandfather both a welcome ally ? he?ll often take their side ? and a salutary reminder of just how comfortable their own lives are.

Well that appears to be an ideal situation but what if and when health problems develop?

Yes, I know we?re lucky that my father doesn?t have dementia or any other debilitating illness, or even just a difficult personality. Unlike the thousands of carers who?ve sacrificed their careers and their independence for the sake of an ailing relative, I?m certainly no saint.

But I do know one thing: whatever happens to my father, we?ll face any future problems together. And that?s a comfort not only to him ? but also to me.

So it?s clear that Dame Judi Dench advocates families living together and firmly believes that grandparents in the family home are an asset.

But what about you would you consider living with your children and grandchildren? Would you accept your elderly parents into your home? We?d love to hear your comments.

Grandparents, you may also like to read:

http://whattodoinretirement.co.uk/do-grandparents-need-re-training/

http://whattodoinretirement.co.uk/why-is-facebook-a-must-for-grandparents/

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